14 November 2016
It is past midnight and technically the 15th of November. I should have been fast asleep ages ago, and yet there’s a deep reluctance tonight to do so. Because if I sleep and when I do, it signals the end of the day. And after waiting an entire year for this day to arise, it is tough to accept it has come and gone already.
The clock struck midnight and the dates switched. A new day has begun and yet I am still caught up in the memories of the day that just was. 25 years ago, on this very day, a teeny tiny red – faced me came wailing into this world. Happy to be here finally and just raring to go. A chubby baby with an unruly bob of curly hair. My baby photographs capture me giving toothless smiles to the camera. Photographs lovingly captured by my photographer dad. My family remembers me as a baby, and I watch myself grow up through the flipping pages of the photo album.
There I am, lying on my back, enjoying being the centre of attention. Learning to stand on my feet, taking a shaky step on my own. I wobble, I stumble, I fall. But out shoots a hand and holds me up. My first lesson at rising up each time I fall.
Sulking behind a cake, hiding behind my mother… I was a shy little child, with never much confidence. Somewhere in those photographs though, I start peeking out. Looking out at the world that has so many opportunities to explore. I wobble, I stumble but I don’t fall. I slowly start to accept me for who I am.
Engrossed in telephone diaries, flipping through a picture book… My obsession with reading captured at each stage of life. I fell in love with a language and the romance blossomed into a lifelong affair. It not only gave me a hobby but it also helped me walk on my career path. I wobble, I stumble but now I do not fall…
I flip through the photographs and cringe at my teenage years. Awkward and an introvert to the core. It took me a trip across the globe, a run around a playground and an hour of conducting tuitions to finally learn to open up. To acknowledge strangers and not peek at them while hiding behind my mother. To conduct conversations and build new friendships. To accept heartbreak and take it into my stride. To sustain a relationship through the growing years and make it into one of my most valuable assets.
I smile at all the memories that run through my mind as my fingers fly over the keyboard tonight. I want to capture it all through words that may live longer than the photographs. I struggle, I falter but yet I continue to type on.
I am a quarter down today. High on life and in no mood to stop drinking in the many experiences that’ll come my way…some good, some bad, some awesome and some that leave me awfully sad. My smile is tinged with some hurt too, as I realise how much life has changed since the day I was born and how much it is going to till the day I cease to exist.
I heave a sigh that is tinged with regret, at the opportunities I denied and the people I’ve lost along the way. I shake my fist at the wrong decisions I’ve taken and the grudges I’ve held. “How does it feel to be 25?” a friend asked me today, and I wish I had an answer. 25 feels an awful lot like age 3 and 9 and 15 and 18. 25 feels like age 21 was just yesterday and 23 was ages ago.
Cheers to a quarter that was full to the brim. Tonight, I am a quarter down, with three quarters to go! *hic*